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34 Creative Answers to “Why are You Still Single?”
Start with “It’s none of your business” or “Because I choose to be,” then try these!
3 min readAug 5, 2022
- I keep getting lost in the universe’s algorithm.
- I refuse to settle for anything less than a celebrity relationship.
- I’ve watched enough true-crime shows to know it’s safer to sit at home and send memes about being single to my friends.
- I was born this way.
- I am an integral part of a research experiment to prove that there are actually not “plenty of fish in the sea.” (Most of the fish are dead or married.)
- Beyoncé never told single ladies we could put our hands down and go home from the club.
- The CDC has confirmed there’s an ongoing global crisis…of singles meeting my expectations but not my standards.
- Too many people write “Just ask!” in their dating profiles, and I don’t have that kind of journalistic endurance.
- I am single-handedly carrying the weight of being the iconic third, fifth or 19th wheel in my friend circles.
- There are only a few times a month I think: “I need a partner,” and it’s almost always when I’m carrying something heavy.
- I have yet to meet someone who can keep my attention the way my phone does.
- Global warming has made it too hot to get too close to anyone.
- It’s important I always be available to hook up with the most captivating person at a party.
- With great power (being single) comes great responsibility (oversharing about my dating life).
- The ability to “eliminate” every available suitor within a seven-mile radius — from my couch — makes me feel wildly powerful.
- I’m waiting for someone to recite exact lines from the rom-com script I wrote for them in my head.
- Since I was a little girl, I’ve always dreamed of walking down the aisle…alone…as the hottest bridesmaid.
- I find the mystery and suspense of identifying texts from unsaved numbers quite thrilling.
- Maybe I’m not single — maybe I’m just waiting for the perfect time to…
