34 Creative Answers to “Why are You Still Single?”

Start with “It’s none of your business” or “Because I choose to be,” then try these!

Sara K. Runnels
3 min readAug 5, 2022
Pictured: A woman happily alone, which people find hard to believe. (Photo by Priscilla Du Preez)
  1. I keep getting lost in the universe’s algorithm.
  2. I refuse to settle for anything less than a celebrity relationship.
  3. I’ve watched enough true-crime shows to know it’s safer to sit at home and send memes about being single to my friends.
  4. I was born this way.
  5. I am an integral part of a research experiment to prove that there are actually not “plenty of fish in the sea.” (Most of the fish are dead or married.)
  6. Beyoncé never told single ladies we could put our hands down and go home from the club.
  7. The CDC has confirmed there’s an ongoing global crisis…of singles meeting my expectations but not my standards.
  8. Too many people write “Just ask!” in their dating profiles, and I don’t have that kind of journalistic endurance.
  9. I am single-handedly carrying the weight of being the iconic third, fifth or 19th wheel in my friend circles.
  10. There are only a few times a month I think: “I need a partner,” and it’s almost always when I’m carrying something heavy.
  11. I have yet to meet…

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Sara K. Runnels

Copywriter by day. Humor writer by night. Exhausted by afternoon. @omgskr / sararunnels.com