My Dating Apps, Wrapped

Other year-end recaps are no MATCH for this one.

In a relationship with: My Dating Apps

As we close out on a shitshow year, it is both fun and depressing to reflect on how we spent our time. I — like many who were single through a global pandemic (and long before) — used countless hours to swipe through dating apps, even though dating IRL was mostly off the table. Here’s what I imagine a combined usage might amount to in a year-end recap.

Top 5 dating apps you used to “meet” guys:

• Tinder
• Bumble
• Twitter
• Instagram
• UberEats

Top 5 types you were into:

• Guy who had a beard
• Guy wearing a Black Lives Matter shirt
• Guy who looked like he’d be into you
• Guy who painted a very clear picture of himself through a well-crafted bio, distinguishable pics, and a vibe that screamed “I’ll ghost you in record time!”
• Guy who was very specifically not holding a dead animal

Top 5 places you likely swiped:

• The bathroom
• The bed
• The couch
• The bathroom again
• Wherever you were during the boring parts of a Netflix show

Number of times you swiped left:

115,000

Number of times you swiped right:

32

Number of times you realized you might have swiped left on your soulmate:

115,000

Number of minutes you spent swiping per day:

On average, you’d swipe until you eliminated every man within a two-mile radius of your home. (Quite a superpower to have from the toilet!)

Number of times you were forced to broaden your search filters because you ran out of potential dates: