Imagine it: the pandemic is over. Most of us are vaccinated. Life has returned to “normal.” And the terminology we heard day after day for so long has been given new meaning — particularly by single people who tweeted about sex during quarantine instead of having it.
When people can safely and collectively begin sleeping around again.
“Four of my single friends told me they got laid last night — the Super-Spreader Event has begun.”
“Do you know where Sara is?” “She’s out doing essential business.”
The number of men I’m seeing at any given time, usually between…
It is virtually impossible to put this entire year into words, to articulate the emotional logistics, to attempt to make sense of it all — but we’re certainly going to try, aren’t we? Words are how we relate, cope, endure, reflect, find the light in the darkest room. And, with distance no longer an option but a requirement, words are how I’ve felt the closest to others — loved ones and strangers alike. The most poetic thing about this fucked-up year is that we’ve all existed in the same ongoing nightmare; no matter what the future holds, we are bound…
Hey, ladies! It’s me, your favorite quarantine queen, pandemic princess, frugal fashionista, merlot mommy, and 2020 self-titled influencer of the year! I just wanted to hop on Instagram Live real quick. I know you’ve all been asking (in the comments, in my DMs, via email, and some of you even wrote me letters handwritten by candlelight) about where I got the supersoft sweatpants I’ve been wearing all month.
Well, that’s not what we’re here to talk about.
We’ll be finding out what’s inside this large box in front of me — yes, the one right here with the adorable packaging…
As we close out on a shitshow year, it is both fun and depressing to reflect on how we spent our time. I — like many who were single through a global pandemic (and long before) — used countless hours to swipe through dating apps, even though dating IRL was mostly off the table. Here’s what I imagine a combined usage might amount to in a year-end recap.
Above all, I am a thought leader. I have thoughts, and they lead me to extraordinary places. I’m an expert in my field. Which field? Any field that requires passion, strategy, experience, skills, motivation, and success. I’ve held jobs. I’ve done business. I connect with executives for sport. I apply for jobs for breakfast. I’m the founder & CEO of my entire life. I am the only one in the world who truly knows how to network.
Businesses. Businessmen. Business women. Anyone who has ever said the word “business.” I inspire job-havers and job-haters to be bold enough to make…
A thing they don’t tell you about starting a relationship — of any caliber — in quarantine is that there is absolutely nowhere to put your feelings. They stay contained, like yourself, in a 500-square-foot studio apartment, until you reach a breaking point and decide it’s worth the risk to set them free. And putting your heart on the line during a pandemic? Well, that’s like taking a thousand risks at once. You ought to be prepared to protect all the vulnerable parts.
I met J in the most iconic of destinations: my Instagram DMs. I knew he existed long…
(Well, it’s a man — but you get the idea.)
Since the birth of gender reveal parties, these controversial celebrations have proven to be dangerous and superfluous, revealing very little beyond an ostentatious display of pink-or-blue chaos. This is why it’s time to ditch this neo-traditional event, and shift the attention to one that’s more impressive and innovative, and less harmful to both the environment and social constructs.
So, please mark your calendar for my first-ever Tinder reveal!
Single, childless people are part of an ever-growing community who don’t get to be consistently celebrated and rewarded for love- and family-based…
I’m feeling myself! ✨
Well, to be honest, I was feeling myself when I took this selfie three hours ago. But now? After a burrito bowl? Not so much. But earlier? Definitely. The way the soft, dreamy 4 p.m. light came through my window and begged me to me un-hunch my back, purse my lips, change my top, flip my hair, re-hunch my back, and ignore work emails so I could take 263 pictures and land The Chosen Shot is truly something to behold — and to be shared! I have no qualms about posting a sexy photo of myself…
He gives me butterflies.
He gives me caterpillars.
He gives me ants.
He gives me mosquitos.
He gives me fleas.
He gives me flies.
He gives me spiders.
He gives me grasshoppers.
He gives me termites.
He gives me lice.
He gives me honey bees.
He gives me Bumble bees.
He gives me moths.
He gives me praying mantises.
He gives me hornets.
He gives me murder hornets.
He gives me WASPs.
He gives me crickets.
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