Aug 5Member-only34 Creative Answers to “Why are You Still Single?”Start with “It’s none of your business” or “Because I choose to be,” then try these! — I keep getting lost in the universe’s algorithm. I refuse to settle for anything less than a celebrity relationship. I’ve watched enough true-crime shows to know it’s safer to sit at home and send memes about being single to my friends. I was born this way. I am an integral…Dating3 min read
Jun 13Member-onlyPart One: Breathe In, Breathe OutOn trying to process imminent grief — “Do you think he knew why we did that? Like he knows I’m at death’s door?” she asks as we walk out of the bank. We’d just met with a Wells Fargo associate to add my name to her account, another dispiriting preemptive task. I look at her with eyes…Grief7 min read
Published in Human Parts·Jan 6Member-onlyThe Uncertainty of Motherhood When You’re the 37-Year-Old Fun Single AuntOscillating between two universes — Every five years or so, when I am home in Houston for the holidays, I declare the need for a nostalgia deep-dive — excavating several large, plastic time capsules that reside in the back of my dad’s sprawling art studio; tangible reminders, poignant remainders of early life. This year, I…Parenting6 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Oct 7, 2021Member-onlyThe Last Dating App On EarthIntroducing Cli-Mate, a Dating App to Swipe Right on Who’s Left — Is your dating life a natural disaster? Are you going through your own extreme drought? Tired of feeling carbon-neutral about your love life? Looking to share your fleeting hopes, dreams, and atmos-fears with someone special? Ready to get out of the friend ozone? …Humor3 min read
Sep 23, 2021Member-onlyA Sexual Glossary of Workplace BuzzwordsDrill down, hard stop, organic growth, strategic fit… — Meetings with your boss will never be the same. “Action Item” A super-hot situation, desire or thirst that must be addressed immediately — with or without another person. “All-Hands Meeting” Orgy. “Bandwidth” The energy or mental capacity required to get that booty. “Best Practice” Safe sex. “Big Data” The number of partners you’ve had; the amount of porn deleted…Humor2 min read
Sep 20, 2021Member-onlyShould I Post That Dating App Profile Picture?Let me help. — Dating1 min readShorty got flow, flow, flow, flow, flow.Should I Post That Dating App Profile Picture?Let me help.----
Jul 9, 2021Member-onlyCollective Nouns for Men on Dating AppsWhat the flock? — A group of single dads is called a caravan. A group of travel enthusiasts is called a pack. A group of men with class is called a school. A group of guys holding fish is called a cast. A group of gay men is called a pride. A group of…Humor2 min read
Jun 7, 2021Member-onlyIt’s Time for a Netflix-Inspired Dating AppBecause you liked Adam G., we recommend… — Single people browse dating apps the same way we all browse Netflix — by scrolling endlessly through thousands of options trying to find the best one (for this moment, at least). …Humor3 min read
May 18, 2021Member-onlyYou’re invited to MANiFEST!It’s like Coachella meets Love Island meets my personal delusions! — MANiFEST is a brand-new, highly anticipated, three-day festival that I manifested while sitting alone in my apartment for a year tweeting about sex and dating instead of doing either. The fest’s mission is simple: to make up — and make out — for lost time! Derived from the word that…Humor3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·May 17, 2021Member-onlyA Creative Brief For Composing A DM To My CrushDeadline: in the next three minutes, please. — Humor3 min read
