On loving her, on losing her — Part One. Every morning, I walk quietly to her bedroom, the sunlight inching its way towards her face, the oxygen machine singing its weary hymn, the pill bottles multiplying on the bedside table. I stand in the doorway nervously, studying her chest, hoping this isn’t The Day I no longer…

A love letter to myself and no one in particular… — Every other TikTok I see feels like it revolves around recommendations for products claiming to be just as good or effective as similar ones — “dupe culture,” they call it. Essentially, “don’t spend an insane amount of time & money on something over-the-top when there’s a more efficient duplicate that…

A clueless driver gets behind the wheel after 16 years of city life — “Why am I even listening to you to begin with? You’re a virgin who can’t drive.” I think about this cutting insult delivered by the iconic Brittany Murphy from the cult classic, Clueless, every time someone discovers that 2006 was the last time I drove a car. (Don’t fret, I’ve…

Start with “It’s none of your business” or “Because I choose to be,” then try these! — I keep getting lost in the universe’s algorithm. I refuse to settle for anything less than a celebrity relationship. I’ve watched enough true-crime shows to know it’s safer to sit at home and send memes about being single to my friends. I was born this way. I am an integral…

On trying to process imminent grief — “Do you think he knew why we did that? Like he knows I’m at death’s door?” she asks as we walk out of the bank. We’d just met with a Wells Fargo associate to add my name to her account, another dispiriting preemptive task. I look at her with eyes…

Oscillating between two universes — Every five years or so, when I am home in Houston for the holidays, I declare the need for a nostalgia deep-dive — excavating several large, plastic time capsules that reside in the back of my dad’s sprawling art studio; tangible reminders, poignant remainders of early life. This year, I…

Introducing Cli-Mate, a Dating App to Swipe Right on Who’s Left — Is your dating life a natural disaster? Are you going through your own extreme drought? Tired of feeling carbon-neutral about your love life? Looking to share your fleeting hopes, dreams, and atmos-fears with someone special? Ready to get out of the friend ozone? Hoping the next UN Report is about…

Drill down, hard stop, organic growth, strategic fit… — Meetings with your boss will never be the same. “Action Item” A super-hot situation, desire or thirst that must be addressed immediately — with or without another person. “All-Hands Meeting” Orgy. “Bandwidth” The energy or mental capacity required to get that booty. “Best Practice” Safe sex. “Big Data” The number of partners you’ve had; the amount of porn deleted…

Let me help. — I give men a lot of shit for having poorly executed dating profiles, but it is purely out of love. And community service. Guys miss matches all the time because they posted a picture of a car instead of their cute little heads and bodies (and not just headless torsos). …